I'm a new white belt at Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I have a desire to learn. I don't have technique. I don't know my knee from my elbow.
Rolling sessions see my heart rate go up and my minimal skills go out the window as I struggle to figure out what to do. Meanwhile, more experienced players make their moves. I tap.
While I'm learning via isolated drills, I don't want to lose mat time. Coaches encourage me to roll. They add that some beginners choose to not roll, and only drill instead. They've motivated me by saying I'm already ahead on this front.
Still, I'm helpless against moderate opponents. Let alone more advanced belts, rolling with whom feels like I'm fighting an anaconda. Or like, we're doing origami, where I'm the paper. I enjoy this, but I'm reeling as well.
A coach gave me a piece of advice that's sticking both in and out of the gym. When I asked him for strategies, he went "Control how you lose".
He continued...
In your first year, you're going to be at the mercy of all. But, while they're advancing on you, take any initiative that you can get. Deny their expectation. Force them into situations counter to the ones they want. For example, if they're in mount, give them your back. Vice versa. Take it from there. You don't have much, so how you go down makes all the difference.
So how does this add up? Your focus in losing scenarios will lead to specific adaptations as you mature. Additionally, experienced players will sometimes allow you deliberate openings for practice. It's good form to take and learn from them.
While hearing this, dejected and tired, my mind drifted. I thought of a scene from Dune, where Paul Atreides overpowers the Sardaukar, the Emperor's elite fighting force. Used to winning, the Sardaukar stand stunned in defeat. Paul notices this. He plans for his own force, the Fremen, to go through defeat as part of their training.
Back on earth, I left class chewing on this.
Lose, focus on losing, get better, find wins, start winning.
The approach adds inoculation to stress. Life's bigger than us. It will put us in situations that strain us. I'd heard that inducing stress in isolation helps with the real thing. It's drilling being uncomfortable.
This inoculation then supports intention. Because it prevents you from losing your mind in loss, it lets you watch it. Lets you probe its limits. Experiment with it. That is a real base to build on. As you gain agency via skill and experience, you can use these cases.
The coach made another point as well; it's still a fight. One with rules and results. If we're in one, then the goal is to achieve your outcomes while denying them theirs. Initially, you might just be able to try to do the latter. But you now have something to compete for.
I've started thinking about all the unfavorable states I'm going to give up in my next class. It feels weird to imagine taking initiative by giving up something. Literally handing it away. But, I'm finding it compelling both for class and beyond.
PS - I thank everyone I roll with for the chance to improve.