Impostors Unite

Do we belong? Well, we can...

Over jokes and coffee, I ask folks what's helped at work recently. "I didn't realize that debates could be inviting to different personalities." That got us to impostor syndrome.

In a case of Baader–Meinhof, I had similar conversations the next day. And the one after that. That in turn reminded me of the forums that I'd hesitate to take part in because I didn't think I belonged.

I read about why Impostor Syndrome happens. Psychologists describe the impostor cycle, the need to be special, fear of failing, denial of praise, feeling guilt about success. They call out minorities being having it worse. Most of that's off Wikipedia. Yeah; all of it is.

But I didn't get practical strategies to sense and address impostor syndrome. Sense, because I realized that I don't recognize it in the present as much as I should. Address, because it'd be nice to have a strategy that isn't "muscle through it."

It's easy to feel like a fraud when you don't feel prepared, or that others are ahead of you, or that you aren't heard. To address this, I'm breaking my strategy into prepare, deliver, experiment.

Prepare. There's no substitute for doing the work. It gets us closer to taking advantage of the opportunities around us. However, us impostors struggle to calibrate on what prepared feels like. And sometimes, our rewards vary for the same amount of preparation. This leads me to...

Deliver. Your results, your message. Those of us who project confidence, or even communicate, are closer to receiving the right reward for our investments. But, this can be nerve-wracking! It's hard to take up space! And why should we impose?

The good news is, we can practice this. Our groups develop channels to interact in; debates, written interactions, reviews, gossip, and more. Taking the time to get good at one of these at a time builds situations where we feel competent. Not doing this cuts us off. And then, our audience matters. Are they receiving our message? This delivery is essential.

Experiment. The world's too chaotic for us to get this right all the time. It's easy to feel a sense of loss when we're wrong. Aren't we losing respect or some other precious capital? Did we over-prepare for something that didn't matter? Was it hard to participate, or be heard? Was it hard to receive criticism? Or praise? Being confident through this is a taxing proposition. Curiosity works better. Gauge what happened, and ask why. Sit with the investigation, and evolve from it.

Ideally, doing these things right gets us equity. Or it at least stops us from being denied it when we deserve it.